The Sneakerhead’s Plight: Problems Nobody Wants To Admit

Every sneakerhead takes (Spiderman’s uncle) Ben Parker’s words to heart: with great power comes great responsibility. We love almost everything that comes with sneakers. I say almost because there are some things that come with sneakers that we can’t live with, but can’t live without. So let’s start:

1. It Gets More And More Difficult To Choose What Sneakers To Wear.

As our collection grows, so does the time it takes to choose a pair to wear for the day and/or occasion. As your collection was starting to bud, whenever that may have been, you may have spent maybe half a minute deciding what shoe to rock at a given moment. Now, as your collection is becoming expansive, you’re spending upwards of at least 10 minutes in your closet trying to decide what you want to don.

2. We Sometimes Buy Sneakers When We Probably Shouldn’t.

Most of us have definitely copped sneakers, given ourselves a pat on the back for it, while also trying to rationalize the questionable decision we just made. Did we really need to cop before someone’s birthday or a holiday? And was the shoe really that much of a hot commodity that we’re going to eat turkey sandwiches for the next month? And did we really deserve to treat ourselves this time around?

3. Moving and Storage Gets To Be A Hassle.

We have so many sneakers, we’re running out of spaces and places to put them. Now they just get all in the way everywhere. On top of that, God forbid you have to move someplace for whatever reason, because now properly and carefully moving the sneakers are a huge priority, and expense, too. When your rotation was small, you probably fared well putting your sneakers in luggage, and that was that. Now, that isn’t the case.

4. The Sneakers You Wear Are Dependent On The Day’s Plans.

You have to know every exact detail about what you and your group plans on doing any given day so that you can dress accordingly. A day about the town? Grails. Outdoor festivals or activities? Beaters. Not only do you need to know in terms of cleanliness and appearance of your sneakers, but also for your attire. Speaking of…

5. Your Alphet Is Built Around The Sneakers You Want To Wear.

You start dressing from the bottom up. You choose sneakers first, and then you pick out the rest of your clothes to coordinate with the chosen sneakers. Your counterparts may find you crazy for this, but when everyone sees your dank getup, they’ll slowly start doing the same thing, taking cues from you and your fashion sense. Don’t be surprised when they start copping similar shoes, either.

6. There Is A Secret Flex War Between Friends.

Obviously you and your friends have nothing but love for each other, coupled with the utmost respect for each other’s closet. But at the same time, y’all all want to be the swaggiest, waviest, dankest sneakerhead amongst y’all. (And yes, I’m aware that some of the words in that sentence are not real.) So nobody addresses it or says anything about it, but secretly deep down, you’re all trying to outshine one another.

7. You Have Too Many Sneakers.

While we continue to build the rotation and our collection, one thing we will never admit is that we have too many sneakers. While it is a very nice luxury, we never admit it because we might start to think that we can’t be sneakerheads anymore, and we have to stop collecting, when in reality all we have to do is start realistically taking into account what sneakers we can get rid of to help bring balance to the closet again.

Those are just a few things that come to mind, but what are some other negative facets about being a sneakerhead did I miss? Let me know, I’ll update the list.

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